Mimetic Desire

A child ignores a toy until another child picks it up. Then suddenly it’s the only toy that matters. The child didn’t want the toy. The child wanted what the other child wanted.

René Girard built a whole theory on this observation. Human desire isn’t autonomous. It’s imitative. We don’t know what to want; we learn it by watching what others want.

This explains things that rational self-interest can’t.

Why do people fight over things neither would want if the other didn’t? Why does scarcity increase desire even when substitutes exist? Why do rivals become obsessed with each other, converging in their desires until they’re almost identical?

The object matters less than the model. We want things because someone we admire or envy wants them. Remove the model, and often the desire evaporates.

Girard called the escalation “mimetic rivalry.” Two people desiring the same thing become models for each other. Each intensifies the other’s desire. The feedback loop generates conflict, resentment, violence.

I think social media is mimetic desire on steroids. Everyone sees what everyone else wants, instantly. Status competition becomes global. Comparison becomes constant. And because the desires are borrowed, they never satisfy — you’re not actually getting what you wanted, just what you saw someone else wanting.

The antidote Girard suggested: recognize the mechanism. Once you see that your desires are imitative, you can question them.

Do I want this, or do I want to be like someone who wants this?

The distinction is hard to make. I’m not sure I can always tell. But even asking the question helps. Some of what I thought I wanted turned out to be borrowed. The desire was real. The want wasn’t mine.